blame the jews…introducing turkey’s version of jason bourne

As a twenty-something year old male, there is nothing more I like than a bad action film that tries to interject some socio-political commentary as if trying to save itself from its foreseeable future of ending up in the $4.99 DVD bin at Walmart. One only has to look at recent examples such as:

The Kingdom; AKA: Jamie Foxx blames it on the alcohol…and the Arabs

Green Zone; AKA: Did anyone actually see this?

Body of Lies; AKA: Aww yeah, Dicaprio all up in that Golshifteh Farahani

Black Hawk Down; AKA: Party in Somalia II, Electric Boogaloo in Mogadishu

What I’m trying to get at here is that for some reason, Hollywood feels the need to try and interject a certain sense of geopolitical “reality” into action movies as if gently acknowledging the sub-par intelligence of the masses. Well listen Hollywood, if I wanted to learn something worth value I would pick up a copy of Foreign Policy or The Economist, thank you very much.

I am pleased however to announce that the United States is not the only country to produce such garbage! Enter Turkish special agent Polat Alemdar (rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?) and the “Valley of the Wolves” series. It seems the character of Polat was born in a Turkish television series resembling “24” in which he battles enemies of Turkey (I’m looking at you Israel) and the series has expanded to include two films. The first film, “Valley of the Wolves: Iraq”, did gain some notoriety when it was released four years ago due to its plot involving Jewish doctors harvesting organs of Iraqis and transferring them to Israel for transplants (scandalous, I know). Well, it seems Polat is back again and this time it’s on like Donkey Kong…in Israel.

Enter “Valley of the Wolves: Palestine”. Hot off of the Israeli commando raid on the Mavi Marmara (the aid ship that attempted to break the Israeli blockade of Gaza in May 2010) which resulted in the death of nine activists, Polat decides to take his Turkish ass-kicking skills and a special hit team to Israel to avenge the deaths (umm…Munich anyone?). Based off of the trailer, what follows is a ridiculous revenge-fueled fantasy in which Polat and his crew dispense some pita-tastic justice on the IDF, Israel, and perhaps Jews in general (who knows). But remember, this isn’t just an action flick, this is a movie ripe with deep political commentary on the Middle East. Hence, such amazing dialogue as:

Israel Soldier: “Why did you come to Israel?”

Polat Alemdar: “I did not come to Israel, I came to Palestine.”

Israeli: “You know you won’t make it out of our Promised Land.”

Polat Alemdar: “I don’t know what part of this land has been promised to you, but I promise you-six feet under.”

Oh snap, if that ridiculous dialogue doesn’t get you pumped, I don’t know what will. I have to admit though, the production quality doesn’t look bad on this film. Having unfortunately been exposed to numerous Turkish soap operas by my grandma, Polat may be the best thing Turkey has going for it (besides delicious doner kabob).

View the ridiculous trailer below:

 

A Sociological Critique of “Ayo Technology”

In perhaps his most socially aware piece, Mr. Jackson (with the noteworthy efforts of Mr. Timberlake and Mr. Timbaland) exposes to us, the listener, a disturbing phenomenon occurring in post-modern society especially with the momentum of the technological revolution. This phenomenon has not only exacerbated the already fragile state of male-female relationships, but more disturbingly, is poised to alter the shared archetype ingrained in the female psyche of the behavior required of them to attract a male counterpart. So what is this great threat, you may ask?

Due to the occurrence of an ever increasingly competitive society, the average male is now deficient in both the time and energy required to court a female in a healthy manner. Still operating on the basic biological need to actively procreate, the male now must turn to the nearest outlet for his sexual frustration: technology. This powerful social outlet offers the male an escapist reality in which every one of his basic sexual and romantic needs is fulfilled. However in doing so, the male is further removing himself from the reality in which real male-female relationships occur. To further compound this issue, this phenomenon has been carefully observed by females as well. Natural selection therefore dictates to the female that in order to increase their chances of obtaining a biological mate, they must alter their behavior to that which is expected by male suitors. Much like a Greek tragedy then, this self-fulfilling prophecy continues to push the sexes apart; with males actively seeking refuge in a fantasy world far removed from reality, and in doing so, promote an unreal expectation of females.

Mr. Jackson cleverly begins his ruse by working backwards; clearly observing how females have to a certain degree incorporated this fantasy expectation required of them, and in doing, so have learned to exploit it for financial benefit. Observe:

“She work it girl, she work the pole
She break it down, she take it low
She fine as hell, she about the dough
She doing her thing out on the floor
Her money money, she makin’ makin’
Look at the way she shakin’ shakin’
Make you want to touch it, make you want to taste it”

Mr. Jackson continues by stating how this elicited behavior from a female profusely confuses the male because it brings his two parallel universes crashing together: that of real female behavior and that of fantasy female behavior. Observe:

“Now don’t stop, get it, get it
The way she shakin’ make you want to hit it
Think she double jointed from the way she splitted
Got you’re head fucked up from the way she did it
She’s so much more than you’re used to
She knows just how to move to seduce you”

Due then to the coalescing of these two realities, the male now finds himself victim. Unable to distinguish the two separate realities anymore, the male has no choice but to take refuge in an even darker belief: that his two realities are really one in the same, and therefore, he is victim to his own limiting beliefs on what behavior he seeks from a female. Observe:

“She always ready, when you want it she want it
Like a nympho, the info, I show you where to meet her
On the late night, till daylight the club jumpin’
If you want a good time, she gone give you what you want”

It is at this point then, when all hope seems to be lost, that it is none other than Mr. Timberlake who interjects to offer a ray of hope. With his ever melodic falsetto, Mr. Timberlake proposes shattering the shared belief of the fantasy female behavior, and in doing so, returning to the basic natural overtures that are the fundamental building blocks of male-female relationships. Observe:

“Baby this a new age, you like my new craze
Let’s get together maybe we can start a new phase
The smokes got the club all hazy, spotlights don’t do you justice baby”

Now, having reached both the metaphorical and musical climax, both Mr. Jackson and Mr. Timberlake join together in the chorus which is a desperate plea for a rebirth, a new starting point for which males and females can join together. Working from this point, a new hope is offered in the continual efforts to bring both male and female together in harmony and therefore return balance to the state of nature. Observe:

“Ayooh
I’m tired of using technology, why don’t you sit down on top of me
Ayooh
I’m tired of using technology, I need you right in front of me”