Sometimes I wonder what magical, Rastafarian-ass, black magic shit they smoke down in Jamaica, cause after having the distinct viewing pleasure of watching Major Lazer’s music video for “Pon de Floor”, I only have one question….”WHERE CAN I GET SOME?”
LINK FOR VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8uD8OGixdk&feature=related
While I consider myself quite a worldly individual (read: I like Taco Bell, am partial to BBC programming, and have travelled to the magical land of Sweden), I must admit I originally had no damn clue who Major Lazer was. Oh, to be so young and naïve. According to the all powerful Wikipedia god’s, Major Lazer is a fictional Jamaican commando who in 1984 fought in a secret zombie war in which he lost an arm….Wait for it….Only to be replaced by a laser gun (makes 100% sense to me). Back in reality, Major Lazer is actually a collaborative music project from DJs Diplo and Switch whose first album is entitled “Guns don’t kill people…Lazers Do”.
I’m not even quite sure where to begin in describing the acid induced, mind explosion that is Major Lazer’s “Pon de Floor” music video. My extensive Internet research led me to realize that “Pon de Floor” is Jamaican slang that translates to “Upon the Floor”. And let me tell you something, this video has all the floor action you can handle!
The video harmlessly starts with what seems to be a rainbow-laced house party, but then devolves, or in my opinion, evolves into something soo much more. Perhaps it is a social satire of day-to-day life in Jamaica or perhaps the desensitization of sexual expression in modern culture, who knows? For all I know it could just be one of the best videos to incorporate as many sex positions as possible into its 3:41 minutes running time? All I can say is, “SIT BACK, FREE YA MIND, AND GET READY TO BE BLOWN AWAY!”
Here are some highlights in my humble opinion:
0:09 – Notice the wary Jamaican, do you trust him? What are his true intentions?
0:20 – That’s right folks, only 20 seconds into the video and you get a coochie slap! BAM, ALL UP IN YOUR FACE!
0:41 – Does that weird 3D shape remind anyone else of Donnie Darko?
0:47 – What I call the “Backwards, floating, donkey punch” is first employed.
0:52 – GOOD GOD!!! THE HORROR….THE HORROR!
1:00 – Is that Laurence Fishburne?
1:05 – The “Backwards Airplane” sexual position is first employed. I hear it’s all the rage in Europe!
1:29 – The wary Jamaican seems irritated! I bet its because of all those goddamn banana tariffs imposed on Jamaica!!!
1:46 – Wary Jamaican seems to hang himself in protest to those damned banana tariffs.
1:58 – The “Jackhammer” sexual move is first employed.
2:07-2:12 – Probably the best combo of sexual moves I have ever seen. It’s kinda like in Street Fighter when you mashed all the buttons at once and somehow managed to pull some super-crazy combo out of your ass.
2:24 – Ladies get extremely turned on when you mount them using the timeless “Crab Walk”.
2:44 – THAT”S RIGHT, YOU DJ DAT BUTT!
3:14 – This is by far the “plat de resistance” of the entire video. Have you ever seen anyone use the ladder jump before? I mean, c’mon really? PRICELESS (Notice how he effortlessly de-pants himself, that’s skill).
3:34 – Is the wary Jamaican supposed to be God?
