*Disclaimer: The views expressed in this piece only apply to the specific individuals within this story. In no way should they be misconstrued as applying to entire groups of people. I guess this is my lame attempt at being PC, but most likely I’ll end up just saying, “Fuck it”.
Like most other evenings out in Texas, I found myself on the overcrowded back patio of a bar with my usual group of friends. Having deemed the karaoke bar we had previously been at “as costing a shitload for drinks”, we ended up hopping to another location in order to meet up with one of my friend’s “part-time lovers” (it sounds much nicer than friends with benefits) and her friend. Dressed in jeans and a black shirt, matched with my dark facial stubble, I probably looked like somebody you would see lurking in a dark alley. Anyway, as I was introducing myself to the two ladies we had met up with, my friend decided to crack a joke at my expense basically implying that I was gay. Poor girl, she wasn’t quick enough to catch that my friend’s statement had been laced with sarcasm, and so she innocently turned to me and asked, “Are you gay?” In that moment, not to deceive her, but more a show of defiance to my friend, I turned and casually said, “Yeah I’m gay.”
Previously, I had always wondered as to why having a gay friend was so popular among girls. I mean, I understand the benefits of being able to relate to someone of the opposite sex who in no way will misconstrue your kindness as a sign for sexual advances. But I mean really, c’mon, if this was the only criteria then flocks of straight males would be befriending lesbians, right? Based off of conversations with girls I know, aside from the “security” afforded by a gay friend they also felt as though gay men would be less judgmental of them than their female counterparts. And with a simple statement, I too would experience the “gay treatment” first hand.
As soon as I had made the false statement that I was gay, you should have seen it, this girl’s eyes lit up! Promptly, I was asked if I would be her friend. Feeling empowered somehow, because now I held the upper hand, I jokingly replied that I was not a commodity and that she would have to earn my friendship in order to fill her “gay best friend quota”. From that point on, she latched onto me for the remainder of the evening. The events of that night led me on two interesting avenues of reflection.
First, I would like to reflect on the girl’s reaction. After her initial excitement (I wasn’t aware meeting a “gay” guy was like meeting a unicorn or something), we launched into a natural conversation. However, her openness was a bit disconcerting since she even admitted that she would never be telling me these things if I was straight. Topics such as her insecurity, her fear of not finding a suitable husband, her age (all topics she brought up on her own), were all touched upon. In a way, it kind of saddened me because it seems she just wanted someone to listen to her without judging her. However, I will admit that I felt a bit like a commodity. Just because I was “gay” didn’t mean I automatically had to relate to her or act as her crying shoulder to lean on, and this was only one evening. I wonder if my gay friends ever feel annoyed that they are somehow seen as commodities by their female friends? I’m sure some true friendships form, but isn’t the initial pretense false if one assumes an individual will automatically relate to and like you simply because of their sexual orientation?
Second, and somewhat amusing to myself, was how the girl never even seemed to question my claim to be gay. Having close gay friends and having been exposed to the community, I am well aware that just like heterosexuals, homosexuals come in all different shapes, sizes, attitudes, etc. While our society has made great strides in accepting homosexuality, I still get the sense (especially in Texas) that people expect gays to be walking stereotypes: effeminate, skinny, lisp laden, well dressed men. I am none of those things, but I am also not a muscle-bound, Ed Hardy wearing, douchebag (a generic stereotype of men you find at clubs). What’s funny is that when I told a gay friend of mine the events of the evening, he replied “Yeah, you can pass for gay.” I’m not sure if that was supposed to be a compliment or something to be seen as negative. If that refers to my cleanliness, vast knowledge of pop culture, willingness to dance, and easy-going ways, then there are a lot of straight guys who could pass for gay.
I will be honest, while I did deceive this girl, I never used it in a manner to hit on her or perhaps make a move on her. However, I did enjoy an evening of honest conversation followed by dancing. I mean ideally, that’s a great time out, and it breaks up the monotony of the average sausage fest outing. Unfortunately, most everybody has their guard up at a bar or club, it’s instinctual. Most girls are probably annoyed when the majority of times their friendliness is misconstrued as romantic interest. As a male, it also annoys the hell out of me that it’s expected of me to approach females when you go out. I mean, that’s just what you do. So a dilemma arises, how does one cut through societal expectations to just say “Hey, we can have a good time without all the other bullshit?”
