Much to my chagrin, recently I keep finding myself uttering the same phrase over and over in my head, “I AM GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!” The funny part is that I never utter this phrase in reference to mind-numbing pop-culture, oh no, I’ll never outgrow that. Instead, this phrase creeps up when doing academic things, things I used to pride myself on. You want to discuss the use of non-state actors to advance a nation’s strategic interests? Possibly debate the merits of realism versus constructivism? How about mull over the influence of Islam in Central Asia? I used to be all about this stuff, but if I’ve learned one thing in grad school, and one thing only, it’s that NONE OF IT MATTERS! Yes, you read correctly. Now, don’t get me wrong, being intelligent and worldly does have its advantages (editors note: it has never gotten me laid), but trust me, it doesn’t really matter. Why the cynicism you may ask? Well, there is a laundry list of things I could ramble on about, but here are a few that I think should convey my point, if not peak your interest:
1. Many of you know that much of this nation’s foreign policy decisions are made, or at least are approved, by the Congress. You think the Congressmen and Senators make these decisions? HAHA, let me introduce you to an overworked, inexperienced, 20 year old who we shall call Foreign Affairs Legislative Assistant. Yup, I’ve seen kids younger than me have to tackle and form policy opinions for the Representative or Senator they work for. Now you know why Afghanistan is such a dank hole (no disrespect to Afghans, they’re good people, really. Their country???? Ehh, not so much.)
2. As a nation, we are consumed with tabloids and pop-culture (I do love both). And let’s be honest, who has time to read the Senate Health Care Reform Bill (it’s over 2000 pages long) when you can be keeping up with who Tiger Woods boned, is boning, or shall bone in the future (If you’re Tiger Woods, anything is possible!). Simply put, it is almost our job not to care. That’s what the government is for, right? Oh wait, “Dem liberals iz try’n to tayk my gunz!”
3. Furthermore, those of us who have had the privilege (I use this term loosely) to have been in the work force understand that work has nothing to do with what you know, but instead has everything to do with learning to perform tasks. Some mundane, others not so much. You think anybody gives a fuck that you have a degree in Comparative Literature from Dartmouth? Nope, now go fetch me my morning coffee, intern. Oh and bring daddy change, daddy wants change!
Simply put, this is my end of term rambling because I am pissed that I need to write a bunch of papers I procrastinated on. However, it doesn’t mean any of the points I have made so far are not true and depressing. My advice? The next time somebody tries to engage you in an “intellectual” conversation, simply smile and ask, “So, are you on team Edward or team Jacob?”
